Стоило похвалить автора Jonathan'а Coe, как он тут же подложил мне свинью. Не читайте его книгу The Accidental Woman и забудьте мои слова о том, что энтого Coe можно читать что угодно, не раздумывая. Фантастическая нудятина. История жизни серой мышки. Изложенная серомышечно, с потугами на ироничность. Фантастическая - не в смысле жанра, а в смысле, запредельная. Все, что вы хорошего могли бы почерпнуть из этой книги, я вам здесь накидаю.
Очень славный кусок про котов.
This creature, a small brown and white tabby called Sefton, was only two years old but had a bearing and a philosophy of life which belied his age. Maria genuinely loved him, with a love founded, as it should be, on a profound respect. Sefton seemed to her to have got life sorted out, from top to bottom. The goals of his existence were few, and all admirable: to feed himself, to keep himself clean, and above all to sleep. <...> Also, she admired Sefton's attitude towards physical affection. He was for it, from all comers. Perfect strangers had only to stop, to stoop down and to offer him the simplest caress between the ears, and then for a few minutes they would be all over each other, stroking and fondling and rubbing like two young lovers out on the golf course in the throes of pubescent rapture. This was to Maria a source of great envy. Not that she would have liked to be stroked and fondled and rubbed by perfect strangers, of course not. Exactly. What she envied was the fact that Sefton could indulge in this delightful intimacy safe in the knowledge that the pleasure taken in it by himself and his partner was entirely innocent, unless by some misfortune it turned out to be someone of bestial tendencies, and that had never happened to him yet.<...>
Maria envied Sefton on three counts. The third was this, that nobody ever expected him to take the slightest interest or satisfaction in human affairs. Thus he was at liberty to parade a breathtaking and perfectly legitimate indifference. <...> He patently didn't give a toss about the family's welfare, except when it affected his own. <...> Every family should keep a cat, for this very reason.
That first evening, they sat together by the fire, and talked long into the night. This gave rise to a spontaneous and mutual antipathy.
<...> he had been content <...> to simply send her something, such as flowers, which she would put in the sitting room, or some chocolate, which she would give to Charlotte, or his love, which was of no use to anyone.
И про любовь.
'Does it hurt?'
'Is it worth it?'
Про качественный Fuckwittage.
' What did he say about last night' <...>
'Well, he said that he thought your behavior called for some sort of explanation.'
'Oh? In what way?'
'He thought that you implied he'd given the impression of having thought you were rude.'
'He said I'd been rude?'
'Well, he implied that you'd been rude by implication.'
'How can I have been rude by implication when any attempt to be more explicit would have been insensitive by diefinition? Did he mean that if I'd said what he wanted me to say, instead of leaving it unsaid, he wouldn't have known what to say? Is that what he said?'
'Well, that's what he insinuated.'
Про право на личную жизнь.
'I feel so cheap <...> My love isn't my own any more. Everybody talks about it. It's become a spectatot spot.'
'I know how you feel <...> I understand. That must be the worst of it. I was saying so only the other day, to Harriet, in the Lamb and Flag. I said to her, poor Charlie, to have her emotions paraded about in public like this. And then Joanne, who was sitting at the next table, leant across, and said Yes, fancy having everybody gossiping about it, and then even the barman, who was collecting the glasses, said Charlie? is that your friend with the dark brown hair, well fancy that, he said, how awful for her.'
Знакомо, да? :->
Explain the train of thought <...> which leads from love, to happiness, and then to marriage.
Про развитие отношений.
<...> when they emerged from the cinema, and walked from the cinema to the pub, they did so hand in hand. And when they emerged from the pub, and walked from the pub to the room, they had their arms around each other's waists. And when they emerged from the room, and said goodnight under a cloudless sky, they had their tongues in each others's mouths. Some people would call this progress.
Про победу сил добра над силами разума.
She was an open, happy, confiden and trusting person, who believed in the benevolence of God, the sanctity of marriage, and the innate goodness of human nature. She was moronic in other ways, too.
Про Маленькие Женские Хитрости.
You will never get anywhere, Maria, she had said once, until you learn to practise the ways, the little feminine wiles and ways by which we of the weaker sex are able to exercise our authority. Little gestures, Maria, and little actions, which render men helpless, which turn them to putty in our hands. These turned out to be, in ascending order of effectiveness, the fluttering of the eyelashes, the crossing of the legs, and the sucking of the penis.
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Вранье, конечно. "Как хорошо проснуться одному в своем веселом холостяцком флэте", и далее по Вертинскому. Но выражение забавное.
Про Качественный пикап ("Зачем даром время терять..."). Кстати, диалог между женщинами, которые просто вместе снимают квартиру.
'Maria, let's go to bed now, and make love.'
Maria raised an eyebrow.
'Are you serious?'
'Of course I'm serous. Let's explore each other's bodies, there's nothing on the television.'
Про взаимоотношения индивидуума с богом.
It was one of her few pleasures <...> to go into the cathedral on light summer evenings, when it would be full of visitors, many of them in attitudes of prayer, to kneel down beside one of them, and then, if she was feeling passionate, to hurl abuse at her creator, or, if she was feeling calm, to present him with reasoned and fully substantiated accusations of professional incompetence.
Немало набралось, отметим. Но это все.
Следующий кусок ругани достанется классику, Дугласу Адамсу. Я, разумеется, на "Автостоп" не покушаюсь, не переживайте =)