suspenders black bullwhip
stockings bra unhook
orgy grope panties
erect handcuffs stretch
unzip fishnet tights
protruding take off suck
cleavage juices rubber
striptease Mazola smooth
nipple stroking pink
mount lick moist
leather thighs parted
probing tongue tender
back arching moaning
softly Oh God Yes
please don't stop Yes
<...>After a few minutes I put my list of key words to one side: it had proved inhibiting raher than helful, and the only way to break the deadlock, I decided, was to go for complete spontaneity. I should write down whatever came into my head, and worry about the details later. So I fetched a bottle of white wine from the kitchen, poured myself a tumbler-full and wrote my first sentence.
That was a good start. Nothing too complicated there. I took a sip of wine and rubbed my hands. Perhaps this wasn't going to be as difficult as I'd thought. Now maybe just a couple of sentences to describe the bedroom, and then we would be getting somewhere.
It was a what, though? I didn't want to go for anything elaborate at this stage, bogging the reader down in prolix descriptions. A single carefully chosen epithet ought to do the trick. How about -
No: much too boring. It was a sumptuous room? Too clichéd. A charming room? Too twee. It was a large, charming, sumtuous room. It was charmingly sumptuous. It was largely charming. To be honest, I didn't give a shit what kind of room it was. Neither would my readers, in all probability. Best to skip all that stuff and keep things moving.
That wouldn't do. I didn't want to make it sound like rape.
He sat down on the bed and drew her roughly towards him
'Won't you sit down?' he said, and pointed in the rough direction of the bed
He looked in the rough direction of the bed, and raised a provocative eyebrow
A suggestive eyebrow
He raised one of his eyebrows
He raised both of his eyebrows
He raised his right eyebrow provocatively
He raised his left eyebrow suggestively
Raising both of his eyebrows, one provocatively, the other suggestively, he pulled her gently in the rough direction of the bed
Perhaps this section was also best dispensed with. I could imagine exactly what Patrick's criticism would be: I was dithering over these preliminary niceties so as to avoid getting down to the action.
What was she wearing?
She was wearing a thin muslim blouse, through which her
Go on, write it.
like two maraschino cherries
like two glacé cherries
like two Fox's Glacier Mints
like two peas in a pod
like three coins in a fountain
like Victoria plums
like Victoria Falls
like a sore thumb
Anyway, she had those nipples. That was fairly obvious. What about him, though? I didn't want to be accused of sexism: I was obliged, as far as I could see, to present the male as a sexual object too. And so, for instance:
Or better still -
the nature of his endowment
the extent of his manhood
the length of his extension
the extent of his full, throbbing manhood
the full extent of his hot, throbbing member
I had to admit it, this wasn't getting me anywhere. Besides, I could always come back later if I wanted to fine-tune these points of descriptive detail. If I didn't get to the heart of the matter soon, the momentum would be gone.
No, too agressive.
like the skin of an overripe banana
I threw down my pen and sat back in disgust. What was the matter with me tonight? Maybe it was the wine, or just the fact that I was thoroughly out of practice at this sort of thing, but nothing seemed to be working. I was making all the wrong moves, falling at every fence, fumbling and groping and communicating nothing but my own inexperience.
fleshy, bumpy, heavy, chunky, strapping, whopping, vast, enormous, massive, monstrous, prodigious, colossal, gigantic, mountainous, Gargantuan, Titanic, Herculean
her small, pert breasts
her perfectly proportionedl breasts
her averagely proportioned yet somehow surprising breasts
her deformed breasts
All right. Forget that. More wine. Now think carefully. Imagine these two young, attractive people, alone in a room with only their own bodies for amusement. Picture them in your mind. Now choose your words with confidence, and precision. Be fearless.
he sank to his knees and nuzzled her navel with his nose
they fell on to the bed and he lay on top of her, their lips boring greedily into each other in a long, moist kiss
they fell on to the bed and she lay on top of him, their moist wet lips meeting hungrily in a long, boring kiss
Oh, to hell with it.
he was bursting from his pants
she was wet between the thighs
he was wet behind the ears
she was just about to come
he didn't know whether he was coming or going
And it was at this climactic juncture, just as I had managed to work myself up into a state of rather desperate excitement, that the telephone rang. <...>